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Friday, 20 December 2013

A Christmas Poem... By Mattie.

Twas the weekend before Christmas,
So all the children shout...
"We want a PS4!!"
But the stores were all sold out...

Poor Mommy had a headache,
And Daddy was losing hair,
They'd checked at every store,
But PlayStations never there.

Employees shrugged their shoulders,
when inquired for a reason.
"We should get some more, but who knows when?
I doubt this Christmas season."

They looked online at Best buy,
They scoured the Walmart store.
Of gifts they found a plenty,
But not a PS4.

So Mommy yelled at Daddy...
"This was your only job,
To make our kids quite happy,
To tame this gaming mob.

You had a couple months,
but procrastination has set in.
This last minute shopping,
this time was not a win.

And so this I charge you daddy,
to brighten Christmas day...
You'd better find a PlayStation
or the lovin' is going away.

But what to his wondering eyes should appear?
For sale on Kijiji, a system, quite dear.

The markups were awful, 
and the grinches were merry.
supply and demand 
made the ransoms all vary.

They were charging much more than they paid in the store.
because they waited on line since a quarter to four.

Their systems they hid, and kept on the seal,
and stored in their closets, to net them a deal.

The visions of dollar signs all danced in their eyes,
but daddy, poor daddy, then had to surmise.

"I'm not going to find one at cost I'm afraid,
I'll have to pay more, if I want to get laid."

So he emailed seller,
and made him an offer
a generous gift 
which would empty his coffer.

The seller replied,
with a laugh and a sneer...
"You've got to be kidding,
'cause Christmas is here.

I sold out 3 days ago, 
because my prices were good...
Just 300 dollars more 
than any store would.

So Daddy kept emailing, 
the prices went up.
This damn gift would break him.
but he wouldn't give up.

His kids, they were worth it,
the smiles on their faces.
He'd be hero of Christmas.
First Daddy of places.

So he went to the top of the prices here listed.
He sent one more email, and prepared to be fisted.

$5000 dollars was asked, absurd!!!
but the price was now set for quelling the herd.

The reply it came back, from the  devil  himself.
"Of course I can help you, I'm a right Christmas elf!

Just meet me with cash, in a back alley, alone...
I promise you, Christmas will be merry in your home."

So Daddy, reluctantly threw on his hat,
he went to a cash machine, and emptied out that.

He drove to the meeting place, and then looked around.
It was empty, and dark, with nary a sound...

Then from behind a dumpster, there stepped a small geek.
He was ugly, and zitty, and no showers for a week.

His voice cracked as he spoke,
his giggles were crazy.
He put out his hand, and his palms were quite hairy.

"5000 dollars, and the PlayStation is yours.
To gift as you wish.  I'm getting some whores."

So Daddy paid the geek,
and daddy took the box.
And the geek disappeared
in the shadows like a fox.

And Christmas morning was merry,
and the children laughed with glee.
It was the greatest Christmas gift,
At least this year, you see...

And in his mother’s basement,
the geek, he had to smile.
"Merry Christmas to all!"  He shouted.
He wasn't very good at rhyming.